He came with an entourage. 

We spent four months in the hospital with him - more time in than out. 

When we lost him, we also lost a community - a full village of folks who know exactly what it is to love someone who might not be there the next day, who know how special and unwasted each day can be, who know that you hurt and love because they do too, and somehow they have chapters of vocabulary that none of the rest of the world do. 

They get it. They smile. They understand. They hold. They hug. They share. They laugh. 

I miss him so much.

And the people who knew him best feel  far away. 

That can be remedied.

He came with an entourage. 

We spent four months in the hospital with him - more time in than out. 

When we lost him, we also lost a community - a full village of folks who know exactly what it is to love someone who might not be there the next day, who know how special and unwasted each day can be, who know that you hurt and love because they do too, and somehow they have chapters of vocabulary that none of the rest of the world do. 

They get it. They smile. They understand. They hold. They hug. They share. They laugh. 

I miss him so much.

And the people who knew him best feel  far away. 

That can be remedied.

Things to be careful of in these times..

 - Tattoos (wait at least a month?)

Felix Arthur Henry was born October 11th, 2015 and he passed away, in the small of the morning, in the wee morning hours, at 1:34 a.m. April 17th, 2016.

He waited until it wasn't his dad's birthday. And he waited for his dad to arrive.

He sneaked out when I asked that his NJ tube be removed. When I asked, my brain didn't realize (I knew, but didn't have the with it to put it together) that it mean the WHOLE NJ. A towel was grab, the pull was started, I looked away, and he was gone. Tricky, lovely, beautiful kid.

He was born by C-Section, after a very easy easy pregnancy, three weeks early. He was 6 pounds 6 ounces (the second 6 pounds 6 ounces Felix to be born at that hospital that day!). His face was my grandpa Rauch's and I wondered how I supposed to nurse that.

It worked! He nursed and latched almost right away. He was beautiful and calmed and cried and calmed.

I was spoiled at the hospital. Pierre was going through a hard time. Oscar was 2.5 years old and loud. PG was constantly tired. I didn't know what we were going to do with a second baby. He would come to hospital stressed and when he'd leave, I'd feel worse. It wasn't fun. The hospital was my hiding place, to stay with just the baby. I cried, I mourned, leaving.

Things went on. I would take both children to Oscar's daycare, when I was finally able to drive. Certain teachers would ask that I not leave Felix on a table (in his carseat), because the other kids might mess with him.

Oscar wasn't really interested in Felix, except for threats to bang on baby, until the other kids at daycare said how cute Felix was. And then it was "That's my baby." "That's my baby Felix."